Happy Valentine's Day--A Love Letter

As I sit writing this, my husband and two children are making dinner together--watching them is watching love in action.  This blog is dedicated to my husband and our love story.  It is not a love story out of a movie or fairytale, but it is ours. 

We met in graduate school through mutual friends who we would go out for drinks with from time to time.  What I noted about him at the time was that he was good looking, very intelligent (which intimidated me), and he always had a girlfriend.  I also thought all he ever talked about was politics and therefore was not much fun.  He later told me that he regarded me as a quiet, not so smart, hippie type.  Needless to say, the idea that we would someday be married would've seemed laughable at the time.  Long story short, we finally had a night where we got to talk and realized the other one wasn't as stupid or boring as we had thought.  After that, we started dating.  This lasted for about a month before I started avoiding him citing reasons of wanting to remain "independent."  The real reason was that I didn't know how to be relationship with someone who wasn't a jerk so I found reasons that it wouldn't work.  So, we went our separate ways and saw each other only on occasions where our mutual friends invited us both out--it was awkward.

During one of these awkward get together's, Brian was telling us how he was applying to Graduate School in another town a few hours away.  I instantly felt this sinking feeling--knowing that he was going to be leaving and that the chances that we would find our way back to each other were slim to none freaked me out.  I remember going out to the bars and finally realizing that this wasn't what I wanted anymore.  There was an exact moment where I realized that I could love this person or maybe already did and I had let him go.  As the time for him to leave got closer, I made attempts to reconnect with him.  I finally got him to agree to go out for drinks with me and I was going to work up the courage to tell him I still had feelings for him.  While we were having drinks, he showed me pictures of a recent trip he took with his friends and there was a girl with him in a couple pictures.  He said he was dating her, but that it wasn't serious.  I had another drink.  I decided to still tell him about my feelings for him, but it was hard--really hard.  I think he was surprised, but we kissed and held hands that night and I felt relieved. 

The next day, one of the most traumatic things that has happened in my life (a story that I may tell at a later date if I ever find the courage) occurred and I had to leave town fast.  I had a cat at the time that I couldn't leave alone and the only person I could think of to take him was Brian, so I showed up at his doorstep (we lived two apartment buildings down from each other) crying hysterically and asking him to take my cat for an unknown period of time.  I still can't believe I asked him, of all people, to do such a big favor for me and know so much about the inner workings of my family life, that was typically reserved only for those who I had known for many years and grew up with.  He agreed to take my cat even though he'd never had a pet growing up and my cat was no picnic to live with. 

I came home several days later, and though things are blurry during this time in my life, I remember at some point that he told the girl he was dating that it wasn't going to work out.  Never during this time though did he commit to a relationship with me.  We spent his last couple weeks in town together and happy and when he left, I wasn't sure what would happen.  We talked on the phone and I would get jealous if I knew there were other girls trying to get his attention.  He wasn't ready to commit to a long distance relationship and I am sure the fact that I had quite a bit of baggage and already broke up with him once didn't help my cause.  I went to visit him for a weekend and did everything I could think of to convince him that we should be together--housewarming gifts, chocolate covered strawberries, etc.  He still didn't commit but I did see hints of jealousy when I was approached by other guys and so there was hope (though at the time he would swear he didn't get jealous--liar! LOL!).  The following weekend he took me on a visit to meet his parents.  After the weekend ended, he came to stay at my apartment for the night and told me that he thought he loved me.  I told him I loved him too.  It was that quick and we pretty much knew within weeks that we would end up getting married.  We had some family members that thought we were rushing into things, though in reality we waited 4 years to before getting married, because we just knew we wanted to be together and that it was right. 

After a year of living apart and traveling weekends to see each other, I finished graduate school and moved to be with him.  That year apart was very hard but romantic too.  It was also during one of the hardest times in my adult life and he stuck with me through all the ups and downs and loved me regardless.  I will never forget that.  Meeting him was the most trans formative event to happen in my life.  He saved me in many ways and still does on so many days when life seems too hard.   It is now 10 years later and we have been through a lot--we both have had many demons to face and our marriage has suffered at times, but we are in this life together and I hope with everything I am that this is the person I get to grow old with.  No one understands me, loves me, makes me laugh, inspires me, believes in me, or drives me more crazy than him. 

Love Is...
Waking up earlier than your partner every day so she can sleep in.
Making your partner food because she hates doing it.
Knowing that your wife needs a chocolate pie to make her feel better.
Loving the songs that your wife makes up and making her sing them over and over--even for the the kids.
Giving your partner endorphins when she needs them.
Taking the time to research, go to appointments, and even make spread sheets to help your partner figure out health problems.
Knowing what your partner wants and needs without her even telling you.
Going along with your wife's crazy impulses to go on trips or outings when you'd rather stay home.
Finding ways to lessen (or work around) your wife's anxiety and need to have things in order.
Making beautiful children together and doing the work necessary to make our family a happier and healthier one. 

Thank you for all of this and so much more.  I love you to the Oort Cloud and back. 
Happy Valentine's Day.