Today I am holed up in my house for the third beautiful day in a row due to a recent surgery extracting my two front teeth that has left me looking (and feeling) rather crappy. The irony of this situation is that so often I long for time alone to write, read, or sew but now that I have this time, I am bored and restless and wishing I could be outside in this wonderful weather with my family. I am not particularly vain, but I scare myself when I look into the mirror so I am not ready to go face the world just yet. I feel uninspired to do much of anything really since I am in pain and on mind numbing medications.
Being the impatient person I am, I thought that I would be up and running again by today but instead the swelling is at it's worse and my face looks nothing short of a bloated horse. I now have these fake teeth that are uncomfortable and look strange and are pressing up against the swelling of my gums. These fake teeth have to get me through the next several months until I can have yet another procedure to place two rods in my jaw bone and later place permanent caps on those. It is going to be a long process and one that I have avoided for as long as possible. It is expensive and painful and time consuming. Eating is almost impossible and, for some reason, I didn't think that part through much either.
When it comes to medical procedures, I have a tendency to just not think about it much at all leading up to the event since I know doing so would make my anxiety out of control. The downside is that I often feel unprepared for the outcome as I didn't take the time to think it through. But which is worse, worrying for weeks or being unprepared after? I think I'll stick with my way. My husband, on the other hand, always likes to know the fine details of things and so I look to him to research, go with to appointments and ask questions. I tend to tune out the doctors after awhile but he is able to engage with great interest until his questions are satisfied. I think these differences between us, which I've touched on before, highlight the greatness of having a partner who has different strengths than you. We share much in common too but it is really the ability to pick up where the other one leaves off that is key. But I digress.
I bid you farewell for now. Maybe I will feel more inspired as I get better to write more. Wish me luck.
What a drag, Teja! But the time will pass and you'll be glad to have this out of the way.
ReplyDeleteIn the last few years, I've come around to your way of thinking about the value of a lot of worrying beforehand (though I still struggle against my long-time habit of worrying). I know that there are times when I won't be able to help it, but I try now to minimize the time I spend worrying. If the future holds better news than I imagine, all the angst will just have ruined the time in between. And if bad news comes, I'll have the energy to handle it that I might have spent on the angst. That's the theory, anyway.
Will you be able to come witih Brian to Thai Flavors on Monday at 5 to meet Froggie? She was in grad school here with me and a great activist during the first Gulf War--also organized for abortion rights and academic freedom and against Klan/neo-Nazis. I want her to meet some of the people she would know and love if she still lived here. And a lot of Thai food is quite soft and easy to chew. My treat! Please come if you can.